Sirius's Worst Nightmare
by The Majestic Ninja
Summary: "I was having the worst nightmare of my life. Hagrid was playing some sort of sick joke. I was in a parallel universe. Anything would be better than this. Anything." Sirius's perspective of what happened the night James and Lily died.
1. Chapter 1

The cool autumn air whipped through my hair as I rode my motorbike to James and Lily's house. In my head I could hear Moony's voice telling me that if I insisted on riding a "flying, metal death trap," then I should at least wear a helmet, but that would just defeat the purpose. I _liked_ the wind in my hair. It's the best part.

As I drew closer to the Potter's house I saw smoke in the sky. I squinted and saw that it was coming from the area of their house, but I wasn't worried. Even if there was a fire it could just be put it out with magic. Only wizards lived in Godric's Hallow.

However, when I got near enough to land I saw that it was coming from James and Lily's house. I saw fire everywhere; the smoke was billowing out of the windows. The house was falling down before my eyes.

I jumped off my bike before it had fully landed and sprinted towards the house, looking franticly around for James, Lily and Harry. Suddenly I saw a massive figure emerge from the house, carrying a small bundle. I knew it was Hagrid instantly, no one else could be that big.

"Hagrid!" I cried as I ran to him. He was carrying Harry, his face bright red and ashes in his tangled hair and beard. He had burn marks on his coat.

"Hagrid, what happened?" I asked desperately. "Where's James and Lily?" I looked down at Harry to see he had a thin, angry red mark in the shape of a lightning bolt on his forehead. I brushed his hair back gently and Harry opened his eyes. His face was full of confusion.

"He-he was here," Hagrid sobbed. "You-Know-Who. James an' Lily. Killed."

Every part of me when hallow. The hand on Harry's forehead dropped to my side. This wasn't real, it couldn't be. I was having the worst nightmare of my life. Hagrid was playing some sort of sick joke. I was in a parallel universe. Anything would be better than this. Anything. I felt my knees grow weak and I clutched Hagrid's arm to hold me upright. My throat began to close up and I struggled to breath. _This isn't happening_, I told myself. _It's not. _

"It-It's all righ'," Hagrid said unconvincingly through his tears. It wasn't all right. Nothing about this was all right. It was all wrong. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run away from here. I wanted to go back to yesterday at least. Not everything was all right then, but it sure as hell was better than this.

Harry coughed and brought me back to my senses a bit. Harry was alive. Harry was still here.

"I dunno what happened. Harry survived an' You-Know-Who…he's….gone."

I wasn't really listening to him. My mind was clouded with pain and sadness, but at the same time relief that Harry survived. At least there was that.

"Hagrid, I'll take Harry." I told him, struggling to keep my voice calm and steady. "I'm his Godfather."

"Sorry Sirius. Can't do that. I got special orders from Dumbledore. I got ter take him ter his Aunt an' Uncle."

"What?" I cried. "To Lily's bloody sister? You're bringing Harry to her? No, Hagrid. I'm his Godfather. Give him here." I held out my hands.

"Sorry Sirius. I got special orders from Dumbledore." Hagrid repeated.

I dropped my arms and clenched my jaw. I knew Hagrid would sooner kill himself than disobey Dumbledore's orders. I figured that's why he sent Hagrid. I gave in, deciding that I'd get it sorted out later.

"Fine. Take my motorbike at least," I said harshly, jabbing my thumb roughly behind me in the direction of my bike. "It'll be faster."

Hagrid looked at me for a moment and guessed that I wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Thanks Sirius," He said and then took Harry over to the bike. It felt physically painful to watch them ride away. I felt as though if I let Harry go now I would never see him again. Everything was wrong.

I turned away from the house. I couldn't look at it anymore. I couldn't stand it. I began to walk down the street in a daze when something occurred to me.

"Peter," I gasped. "He was their secret keeper! He betrayed them!" My head began to spin and I grabbed a nearby street sign to steady myself.

"He sold them out. He fucking sold them out. That little…" I was shaking and I felt as though my knees would give away any moment.

"It's my fault," I whispered. I slid down the pull and sat on the ground, covering my face with my hands. "I was the secret keeper. I thought they would be safer with Peter…I thought they wouldn't suspect it. Bastard!"

A woman who was walking by gave me an apprehensive look then walked more quickly. I didn't care. I had to find Peter. I had to find him, and make him pay.


	2. Chapter 2

How was I going to find Him? That was the question. Surely after selling out James and Lily Peter would know that I would be looking for him. I was the only one, other than the Potters, who knew that he was their secret keeper. Everyone else would think I was the one who betrayed them.

I knew Peter would be in hiding and it quickly became apparent to me that I would need magic other than a wizard's to find him. A house elf would come in handy right now. _Just my luck_, I thought bitterly. I only knew of one house that had a house elf I could use, and it was a house that I swore to never step foot in again.

I appareted to Grimmauld Place and it appeared before my eyes. I stared up at the door that I had slammed years before as I ran out and went to James's house. I hadn't looked back.

I glanced at the windows and didn't see any lights on; hopefully no one was home. I turned my attention back to the door and took a deep breath. I didn't want to go inside. I didn't want to take a step closer to the vile house.

_This is for James and Lily,_ I told myself. I gritted my teeth and stepped inside.

As far as I could tell there weren't any lights on in the house. At least one thing was going my way tonight. I turned on the light and glanced around the room. It looked about the same as I remembered it: dark even when lit, the horrible portrait of my mother hung on the wall, house elves heads lining the hall way. It disgusted me.

I crept forward slowly, nervous to be back here even though I was certain it was empty.

"Kreacher," I said quietly. My voice shook; it hadn't been completely steady since I heard the…news. I cleared my throat.

"Kreacher," I said slightly more confidently. "Kreacher, come here."

Suddenly I saw a small wrinkled head with large bat-like ears poke out from behind the kitchen door. He saw me and his eyes narrow.

"What are you doing here?" He asked in a low, frog-like voice. "Filthy blood-traitor. You made my mistress cry. You're a bad boy, a very bad boy. Not like master Regulus, no."

"Kreacher, I need help. Please, you need to help me," I begged him. I could tell her heard how desperate I was. He tilted his head to the side, a wicked grin spreading slowly across his face.

"Why should I help you? You're a no-good blood traitor, as bad as a filthy mudblood." He spat.

It took every ounce in my body to stop myself to pulling out my want and hexing him into oblivion.

Begging wasn't going to work, I decided.

"Kreacher," I said slowly through clenched teeth. "I am a member of the…noble…house of Black. You will obey me."

Kreacher shook his head. "Not after you ran away. My mistress took your filthy name off the family tree. You made my mistress cry for weeks, she was so disgraced."

I couldn't stand it anymore. The longer I talked to Kreacher, the further Wormtail could get away. I whipped out my wand and put it to Kreacher's throat.

"You will take me to Peter Pettigrew," I hissed. "Now."

Kreacher glared at me for several seconds before deciding he didn't have much of a choice. He snapped his fingers reluctantly and Grimmauld vanished before my eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

With a loud crack we appeared in the middle of a street on which muggles were walking around, going about their days as usual. I envied them. How long had it been since I first heard the…news? It felt as though it has only been minutes, but judging from the sky it had been hours. It was probably the next day.

I craned my neck, trying to find Pettigrew in the crowd but I didn't see him anywhere. Did Kreacher bring me to the wrong place on purpose? I turned to face him just in time to see him disapparate with another loud crack. I let out an exasperated noise and began to push my way through the crowd. Several people yelled at me, but I ignored them and kept looking for Peter.

Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, I heard a cry of outrage.

"YOU!" said a short, plump man. He stabbed a stubby finger at my chest, a look of outrage and pain on his face.

Peter. As soon as I saw him my mind went blank. All of my half formed plans erased from my memory. I couldn't think of anything other than the rage and contempt that I felt simply by looking at him.

I felt my body begin to shake so violently that I couldn't even move. I wanted desperately to pull out my wand and make Wormtail feel pain, to kill him, but my trembling arms would not cooperate.

"Sirius! James and Lily…how could you?" He sobbed. "Y-your best fr-friend!"

I opened my mouth to scream a retort, but I couldn't make any sound come out. My knees felt as though they would give out at any moment. I couldn't see straight. I had never been so angry in my life.

I had thought that I knew what hate was. I had thought that I hated Snape in school. I had thought that I hated my family and their pure-blood mania. I hadn't known the meaning of the word. I hated Peter Pettigrew. I _hated _him. I wanted to make him feel as much pain as possible. I wanted to rip him apart limb by limb. I wanted to kill him.

Peter drew his wand with a shaking hand and pointed it at me.

For a fraction of a second I thought that I could see a smile on Wormtail's face, but before I had time to process it he shouted an incantation.

There was a loud bang and the ground shook beneath my feet. For a moment I thought he disapparated but I saw his clothes in a bloody heap on the ground.

I faintly registered screams of the muggles around me.

Suddenly I felt several pairs of strong hands grab my arms. I was only vaguely conscious of moving my feet along with them. I didn't care where they were taking me.

"Think this is funny?" a deep voice asked. Was he talking to me? "Well you can wipe that grin off you face right now. You won't need it where you're going."

Was I smiling? I didn't know. I didn't care. The pain that I had been fighting to keep at bay since last night was finally engulfing me, bringing to reality. James and Lily were dead.

Never again would I hear Lily's musical laughter or see her warm smile. Never again would we playfully tease each other.

Never again would I see James's eyes bright with excitement over a new prank. Never again would we laugh together as Lily rolls her eyes. Never again would I see James, my best friend and more of a brother than Regulus ever was.

An image of burst into my head before I could block it out. James and Lily cold, pale and still. They would never move again.

I felt a stab of pain so sharp that I was sure I would black out. This kind of pain couldn't be humanly possible.

"Hope he gets the kiss," I heard someone say.

Dementor's kiss? I would gladly take it. The hollow lifeless feeling would be better than this. Anything would be better than this. Anything.


End file.
